sit still

My littlest has trouble focusing. One on one, he is insightful, intelligent and deeply rooted in his faith. But in a classroom setting, he is easily distracted. He can not sit still, pay attention, or focus. "It was observed that he shifts around in his seat often, and fidgets with the strings on his hooded sweatshirt." I was informed. My honest reaction to that was, "so what?" You should see the pictures I doodle while on conference calls. Of course, I want my son to succeed in the school setting, but I also care equally as much, if not more, about the stillness and focus of his heart.

"Be still and know that I am God."- Psalm 46:10

This is crunch time, for too many of us. Last minute shopping, baking and over spending. Our calendars are filled with party after party (well, so I hear from those who get invited to such things), school holiday recitals, and all sorts of other traditions that have very little to do with Jesus, and everything to do with feeling obligated to do it, post it, and cross it off our list. And it is insane that we run this hideous race every single year, isn't it? It is insane that come Christmas morning, we sit in a pile of wrapping and bows, only to wonder, "How did I miss it again?" Like the kid who gets everything on his list and still appears unfulfilled, we too, run the risk of trying to fill a void this month with all the wrong things. Because things will never satisfy. They are simply things.

But I am making progress. And what has helped me, is to remember this: Christmas is not a day. Christmas is a season. I do not have to have it all done by December 24. December 26 is not the day to take down your tree and shut off your lights, people! This just might be the year I come to the house of every blogger who posts that they put away Christmas on the 26th, crawl into their attic, take out the decorations, and put them back up! These are the people who talk about how depressing the day after Christmas is. These are the people who prepared for and put all of their hope in the coming of Santa. And well yeah, I suppose if our hope depended on an overweight bearded guy in a ridiculous outfit who breaks into our home at night, eats our food, leaves some gifts then leaves...yeah, I guess that would be depressing, if not, slightly disturbing.

Christmas begins on the 25th. There are twelve more days of celebration. Twelve more days to sit in silence, light a candle, and write your Christmas cards. Twelve more days to bake those cookies, or buy that gift, or throw that party. Twelve more days to breath in gratitude and get on bended knees before the manger. This deadline we are sentenced with before we have even carved the Thanksgiving turkey is not real. It was made up by Target and Best Buy. Christmas is not a day to come and go, but a person to come and save. And there is nothing depressing about that.

Losing focus this time of year is all too easy. If God speaks in whispers, we need to get out of the mall. If God speaks in the silence of our hearts, we need to stop and listen. The hustle and bustle around us, the constant push to buy and spend and have the "perfect" Christmas is the work of the devil. But it is tricky to see. It is hard to know when you have wandered from true meaning, because isn't giving a gift a good thing? It is hard to know when your focus has shifted, because isn't baking with the kids and going to parties about family and friendship and making memories? And what is the perfect Christmas, anyway?

The way I monitor my own focus, or lack there of it, is by asking these questions: Did I buy that gift for my friend because when I saw it, I thought of her, and smiled? Or, was I on the long check out line at TJ Maxx with two kids crying in front of me, realized I had forgotten about a friend, and so I grabbed the Christmas candle and bag of chocolates at the point of purchase display, and crossed that one off of my list, because there was no way I was getting off of that line? And when I bake with my children, are we playing music and laughing, or am I throwing a wooden spoon at the back of their heads, while yelling and ranting at them to stop making such a big mess because I need to host Christmas dinner in this house in a few days, and I am already exhausted and frustrated and, stop eating the cookie dough already, or Santa will not come!?

I highly suggest you ask yourself the same questions. (and for the record, I have never thrown a wooden spoon at my children. They do recall the time I chased them around the house with a wooden spoon, but that's different.)

And what about One on One?

Have I given that time to God?

Because the truth is, like my little one, I think we all lose focus in a crowd. Like my little one, I believe that each one of gets easily distracted, and fails to pay attention, in a noisy setting.

But with our to-do lists, and our determination to get it all done, how is it possible? I mean, Santa has to come! He has to! And so how do I add one more thing to my already full and spilling over plate? How can I quiet my heart when than darn jingle bell rock song in Macy's is playing so stinking loud???? Oh, how crafty the devil is! And if you do not believe in the devil, explain to me the jingle bell song sung by barking dogs.

Here are questions I ask myself that help me find that One on One time we are convinced does not exist:

When I drive to the grocery store for more butter and sugar and I pass the church, do I take a minute to stop in, say hello, offer a prayer?

When I sit down with my afternoon cup of coffee, do I pick up my phone to check the last minute cyber shopping deals, or scroll through Instagram so I can see what everybody else is doing with their time, or...do I close my eyes, take a full breath, say a Hail Mary?

When I am sitting in my car waiting for my child to come out of school, do I check twitter, or do I check in with God?

When I am wrapping a gift for a loved one, am I rushing through the process, eager to get it done, or do I say a prayer for this person, as I tie the bow?

When I can not find the right gift, do I buy just anything, or do I go to Adoration and offer up 30 minutes of prayer for them as a gift, instead? (this gift, might I add, costs nothing, can not be returned, and always fits)

I am not that smart, but it appears really simple, even to me. If we want a meaningful Christmas, we have to focus on the meaning. If we want joy that lasts, we need to seek and prepare for the One who is everlasting. Santa? Well, he comes and goes. But God? God always was, always is, and always will be.

The hard truth is this: there is nothing you are going to buy, bake or wrap this week that will fill you with the kind of joy that comes from a personal relationship with Jesus. So why not get to know him before He is born? Resist the urge to go out into the crowds for that one last thing. Resist the temptation to spend what you do not have. It is noisy out there, and we need to quiet things down. We need to sit still, pay attention and focus. And if we fidget in our chair or play with the strings on our hooded sweatshirt while doing so, so what? It's the focus of your heart that matters.