Simeon, Anna, and why I am in the backyard trying to catch two squirrels

It is always eye opening to go back into the archives of my life, to see where I was, who I was, and hopefully, to learn there has been improvement. Hopefully, being the key word.

I did such a thing this morning.

Today is the Presentation of the Lord, and I had recalled writing a Gospel Reflection for Catholic Mom years ago, and I thought, "Perfect! I can just go back to that piece, copy and paste, and BAM!...blog post for the day DONE!" But when I went back to read where my heart was at in 2015 upon today's Gospel reflection, I found that I could not use that as my piece today.

Why? Because I have traveled since then. Physically, sure, but mostly emotionally. I have traveled. And when I put myself back at the temple with Mary, presenting her first born male, an entirely new emotion wells up inside of me; it is like a different set of eyes sets upon Saint Luke's words today. A whole new perspective. This is what makes the Bible such a good read. This is why the teachings in the Bible will never be outdated. You can read the same exact words over and over again, and depending on where you are, the meaning can change. The meaning will change. His Word meets you where you are. That's God for ya'.

In 2015, on the Feast Day of the Presentation of the Lord, this is what I was inspired to reflect on. But today, I am stuck on this: that "every male that opens the womb shall be consecrated to the Lord, and to offer the sacrifice of a pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons, in accordance with the dictate in the law of the Lord."

The first born male.

Consecrated to the Lord.

Did I do that?

As I have said before, my faith journey was like a slow limp that did not take off and start running until after my FOURTH child was born. And sure, I am close to God now. We are BFF's. And sure, I pray for my kids now. I pray for them, I pray over them, I even sprinkle Holy water in their bedrooms when they aren't looking and stuff prayer cards in their backpacks and pockets. (you think I am crazy, don't you?) And I have gotten on the floor and asked Mary to take them. All of them. But I think I will always feel this little sadness that when they were born, even though they were baptized, I do not ever recall making that one grand gesture- that sacrifice, that said, "thank you, God, for this gift of life. Here is MY offering to You."

And so I am thinking I need to run out into my backyard and catch a sparrow, or a squirrel or two (there are no pigeons) and offer them to God in exchange for my first born male; the one that opened my womb, but even more so, the one who opens my heart, in beautiful and painful ways; the one who God chose for me, the one who ultimately belongs to HIM.

But I am not going to.

Because not only are squirrels really fast and honestly, if I actually caught one...then what???

But because I do not believe that God is asking that of me today.

I believe that today, God is asking me to look at Simeon and Anna.

Simeon was promised he would not die until his eyes saw Christ. And so he kept careful watch. Anna, the old woman that lost her husband after just seven years of marriage spent her life in the temple praying and fasting. She never left the temple. These are the two I am focused on today.

I need to pray like Simeon and Anna. And then after I do, I am going to beg Christ to rest the Holy Spirit upon me, like He did Simeon...because right now, I don't know about you, but just the words "the Holy spirit RESTED upon him" create in me an intense longing for that kind of rest. I mean, a Caribbean trip would be awesome too right about now, so if you were in the middle of booking me that surprise getaway, please, continue....but seriously, something about the Holy Spirit resting upon me...it is like a heavy, warm blanket wrapped around my shoulders. And that is the rest I long for.

You see, I am kind of tired right now.

And my fear this morning is that because I am so tired, I am going to miss God; that He will reveal Himself to me today, but because of this exhaustion, I will miss Him.

And I can not afford that.

Not today.

Simeon and Anna in that temple.

They recognized God.

As a 6 week old baby in the arms of a poor young virgin, they recognized Him.

But what really gets me?

They waited in patient faith their entire lives until He was revealed.

And I wonder if my faith is strong enough to wait that long.

I pray that it is.