thoughts on love, and why I annoy my children

"Why is everything always about God with you?????"

I get this a lot. From my kids. Be it unwanted advice I am giving, or a song we hear on the radio, I always find a way that the message, is indeed, about God, from God, or leading to God.

And I always have a perfect, intelligent response to their question:

"BECAUSE IT IS!!!"

You see, I have screwed up an awful lot in this life I was gifted with. And I continue to make a mess of things over and over again. But I know something today that I did not know just eight years ago, and it is this: that to love someone means you want heaven for them, and if you want heaven for them then you need to lead them there. And you do not lead those you claim to love by lies, or sin, or selfish ways. The way that you love someone is by laying down your own life for them. You love them by serving them with no desire to be served back. You love them by doing for them, without taking out your tally chart and adding up who has done more, performed more, forgiven more, saved more. (Could you imagine if God did that with us? We'd be screwed) You love them by eliminating phrases such as "what is in it for me?" from your inner dialogue. You love them by praying for them, over them, and with them. You love them exactly the way that they are, with wrinkles and added weight, when their eyesight goes and their knees and back ache, you love them through illness, and life's most inconvenient circumstances. You love them through tragedy and sorrow, through grey hair and sagging arms. You love the whole package because of what is inside. Period.

I am trying to teach this to my children. I want them to understand that we do not FEEL love, but we CHOOSE love. I want them to learn that attention from the opposite sex does not determine how attractive and lovable they are. I want them to know that the reason we tell them to "wait for marriage" is not because we are prudes and out of date, but because we know that our living bodies alone are a miracle and a gift, and they are to be given and received with respect and LOVE. (not to mention that fact that sexual intimacy is ordered towards producing another life...something most of our youngsters would agree they are not ready for. Especially those in the 7th grade) We tell our children "wait" for TRUE love. Not the feeling love...the choice love...the love that says, "I give you myself because you desire the greatest good for ME. NOT the greatest pleasure for YOU."

And my kids (especially the girls) love when I do that. When they tell me about a boy who is interested in them and I ask, "Does he want heaven for you?" , that is always received really well.

This morning the kids asked what dad and I were doing for Valentines day, and I laughed. ("dad" meaning their father..my husband, Nick...not MY dad, their grandfather. I probably did not have to clarify that, but I am reading through Leviticus right now, and so I think that has something to do with my need to set the facts straight---whole lot of crazy behavior going on in the Old Testament!) It is good to be in a place where the pressure of Valentine's Day is off. Because I think this day (which is actually the feast day of Saint Valentine, patron Saint of the married, young people, and love) has become a day that either makes you feel badly for not having a lover, or makes you feel loved because someone of the opposite sex is attracted to you. Such lies. (for the record, I did not let this day slip by completely, and I gifted my beloved with this before he left for work)

The truth is...we are all loved. Married or not, single or not, in a romantic relationship or not. WE ARE LOVED. If we are deep in sin, or living a holy life, we are all LOVED. If we choose to ignore God's commandments, and if we follow them daily, we are all LOVED. There is nothing we can do that will separate God's love from us. The proof of this love hangs on the cross; stop by the church and gaze on this love today. And do not forget, that this lover of our souls only reason for being born human, carrying the cross and dying a horrible death, was all so that he can give us eternity. WHY? Because He LOVES us so much, that no matter how stupid and selfish we act here on earth, He wants to extend to us His grace and mercy so that we can LIVE WITH HIM IN HEAVEN FOREVER. (John 3:16)

He just wants to be with us.

Remember that feeling?

Remember when you started dating that awesome someone and you just HAD to be near them...to talk on the phone for hours with them about absolutely nothing?

Multiply that by a GABILLION. (not a real word I know, but there is NO word to describe the height and depth of His love. Romans 8:39)

I don't know how to show someone they are worthy of love any better than by dying for them.

HE CHOSE THE CROSS FOR US BECAUSE HE LOVES US. AND HE DID THIS FOR US NOT WHILE WE WERE ON OUR BEST BEHAVIOR, BUT WHILE WE WERE STILL SINNERS. (Romans 5:8)

Good grief. Unpack THAT and sit in it for a while.

You know, I have been single and felt unloved, and I have been in a relationship and felt unloved, too. Our worth and our hope will never rest in another human being; it rests in God alone. THAT is why everything is about God.

If you feel unloved and lonely on this day the world celebrates its definition of love, pour yourself a glass of wine, take out your Bible, and get to the know the ultimate love story ever written...because you are in it. (FYI, don't start with Leviticus, start with the Gospels) You are a princess of an Almighty King who is the ultimate gentleman; who extends His heart and His hand to you, who desires nothing but the best for you, and who asks you to follow Him to where He promises you...

...you will live happily after.

Saint Valentine, pray for us...