why I am more comfortable taking my shirt off, than my sock...and other Holy Thursday reflecting

JOHN 13:1-15

I am too embarrassed to have my feet washed at Holy Thursday Mass. Not that I have ever been asked. My husband has participated in the washing of the feet twice and both times he experienced a "tingling sensation" in his foot, that to this day, he has trouble explaining. And it is not that I have weird feet, or unusual toes or anything. Because growing up, my friend Lauren had webbed feet. True story. There is just something about sitting in front of the parish, with my sock off…I’d have an easier time taking my shirt off in front of a crowd, than my sock. Which is probably concerning on a whole other level. But the exposed foot…and the Priest kneeling down to it; this leaves me feeling terribly uncomfortable, vulnerable, and if I get down to the bottom of it, pretty unworthy.

And I wonder if this is how the disciples felt when Jesus dresses down as a slave, becomes little before them, takes their filth into his mighty hands, and washes them clean. This, right here, is humility and self giving on a level so deep, it moves me to tears. And perhaps my embarrassment of having my foot washed publicly has nothing to do with bearing my naked foot, but everything to do with bearing my prideful soul. Maybe having my own Parish Priest perform such an act of servanthood slaps me in the face of my own fear to get out and humbly serve others; my hesitation to enter into real intimacy with those I consider myself to be above.

And isn't this what it is all about? I don't think that Jesus is telling us that we need to literally wash each other’s feet. Putting his garments back on he reminds us, "I have given you a model to follow, so that as I have done for you, you should also do." Did you hear that? It is that as I have done that gets me. It is that you should also do that wakes me up to my own foolish pride. If Jesus, the Son of God, is willing to be our servant, than are we not simply called to read and reflect on this Gospel, but to go out and live it? For it is in the washing of each other’s feet that we are united to each other, united to Christ; where we truly become his hands and feet.

All of us are called, in one way or another, to set our pride, comfort, ourselves aside, and to get down on our knees and serve others. This is precisely the place we meet Christ. In the dirt, in the lowly, in the mess.