I need help

We all need help. With something.

Conveniently, as my husband boarded a plane to Germany for a week, I was hit hard by a fever and persistent cough that worked its way to bronchitis, and had me on the couch for five days. With four kids. Two dogs. Three guinea pigs. One cat. A child's school play. The same child's birthday. And all that other stuff that a mom cares and is responsible for.

And I couldn't do any of it.

At least, not on my own.

And well, this is hard for me, and perhaps for you too. We like to be able to do things on our own. And better yet....we like to tell people that we can do things on our own. And I am trying to figure out why. If one mother has daily help with her chores and her family, and another does not...is one mother better than the other? Is one mother's heart bigger?

As we approach mother's day, it is good to think about this; to remember that our motherhood is not like any other job. Our value is not determined by our solo performance and how many tasks we cross off of our list each day. Actually, it is not about us at all.

It is about God.

How so?

I have been resting in a new season of motherhood that feels very raw and real, and makes diapers and pre school tantrums look like a trip to Bermuda. But it has taught me lessons that I do not think I could have learned, had life been a cake walk. And so that is why I can say I have been resting here...because I truly feel like this---this hard stuff---is actually my green pasture to rest in. Because I do not rest in this alone. I rest here in the arms of Jesus. He has lead me here. And yes...some days, that thought really has me question His motives and plan for me and my children. But I know...He is still good and always faithful and so there has got to be something good for me to take away from each and every day, no matter the circumstance.

So, my take away?

The realization that I need help.

With everything.

When friends learned how sick I was, with no husband at home, or in the country, they immediately felt badly. But the truth? I was taken care of better with him gone, than if he were here. This is not a jab at my loving and helpful husband! This is praise and thanksgiving for recognizing that God takes care of us at all times; that He will fully supply whatever we need. The people, friends and family, that stepped in with groceries, and kid pick ups, and dinners, and rides to and from baseball...they were sent to me by God. He provided me with what I needed-what I could not provide myself. And as I lay on my white couch for days, feeling unlike myself, a deep gratitude and appreciation began to grow; not only for the gift of friends and family, but for my sickness, because unless my back were to a wall, as it was, I would have turned down the help--I would have sent them away.

And when we turn help away, we turn away God.

We all need help, and I believe as women, we are naturally inclined to be help. But somewhere along the way, we have been programmed into thinking that asking for or accepting help is a sign of weakness. I know I did. I was very determined, in my young mom days, to prove I could do it all on my own. What I did not realize, was that every time I denied another's offer to help, I was denying them the opportunity to serve God.

He knelt down, and washed their feet, and asked that we do the same. As moms, cleaning up this way is easy. The hard part, is to allow our own mess to be cleaned. But you see, it is here, our mess in another's hands, that we encounter Jesus. And I can not even begin to count how many times He was right there, longing to help me....but my pride pushed Him out of the way.

Doing it all is over rated, and only wears you out. But when we accept help, we not only benefit, but our entire household does, as well. The greatest gift my children received this past week was not a mother who "toughed it out" and even though she was ill "did it all", but rather, a mother who surrendered to God's will, took time to rest, and allowed the beautiful people God has placed in her life to come by her side and fill in the gaps.

And I think, perhaps, what I am most amazed by, is this feeling of profound grace all around me; this joy I have knowing that accepting help is not a weakness, but a tremendous gift. We were not created to live life alone, and we do ourselves and children no favor in trying to do so. I have never felt closer to Christ than this past week on my couch, as I witnessed Jesus, Himself, ministering to me; through bagels and chicken soup, and rides to and from the baseball field.

God always shows up. But do we always invite Him in?