always forward, never back

I often catch myself longing to go back.

My husband and I had two rare occasions of alone time in the last couple of weeks. The first, was a day in NYC; the city where we met and married and gave birth to our first born. The city that reminds me of all good things and possibilites; the place where I remember how to breathe. The second, two days and one night in Rhode Island, for a parent college orientation, for that same first born. A place where the car door opens and the sea air drifts in; where you feel your troubles slipping away, with each sip of Chardonnay, and warm bread dipped in butter. It is our place of new hope.

And yet, what was stronger than my amazement and wonder at where the time has gone, was the awful whisper that often finds its way to my ear and reminds me of all the things I have done (or have not done) and how if I could only go back and change it, that life now, would be so much better.

And by better, I mean easier.

And that is important. Because I think many of us, when we are in a season of deep suffering, would choose the not so great for ourselves, so long as it was pain free. How often do we choose the easy way out, because it is easy? How often do we avoid pain and discomfort because we just don't like how it feels? We are a people of "responding to feelings" rather than "responding in truth", because if we are being honest, the truth and the right thing to do can often make us feel worse...not forever...but for a while...and we don't like feeling badly, even for a while.

And yet if we want to be followers of Christ, the easy way out is not an option. If we want to follow Him, it means choosing the path of suffering. And sure, that can sound like a really stupid deal, especially for those who have yet to encounter Christ in a personal way, but that is only if we forget the end of the crucifixion story. Because He rose. From the dead. The pain had eternal purpose. And so I would imagine, ours does to.

Saint Junipero Sierra's personal motto was "always forward, never back." And today the church celebrates this faithful Saint; this saint, that despite physical pain, continued to preach, continued to push forward.

It is easy to think back fondly on the past when you have had two bloody Mary's and a salad someone else has prepared for you, and will also clean up. It is easy to slurp down oysters and jump into a hotel bed after a bottle of wine, not needing to have to take the dog out, or make the bed in the morning, thinking that this is how life should always be. But let us not fall into the trap that we could have lived much easier lives had we not done this or that, chosen that or this. We are where we are for a very specific reason, and we need to respond to our sufferings with the utmost confidence that we are being carried through the fire by a God who loves us, and knows exactly what He is doing. A God who is faithful and gives good things, and has our back. We suffer with Him and for Him, and things begin to shift and move and fall into place the very moment we say "thank you for this cross, please help me to carry it well."

Nobody likes to feel pain. And yet, no one avoids it. And so whatever your own pain is right now, today, remember this; there is no going back to change how you have gotten here, there is only going forward. And take heart in knowing that you are not alone, and you will not always feel this way. Close your eyes and try to ponder the good things that God is blessing you with. And don't say there is nothing...because if you are breathing, well then that right there is a very good thing. If we keep our eyes focused on the problem, we miss out on the opportunity. So praise God for your cross, and thank Him for the great things He has yet to do.

Is anything too marvelous for the Lord to do? (Genesis 18: 14 )

Saint Junipero, please intercede for all those who are in so much pain, they do not feel like they can continue walking out their faith and preaching the good name of Jesus. Help us to remember the many, many blessings in our daily lives, rather than focusing on the fear, disappointment, and awfulness of our circumstances. Keep our hearts from longing to go back, and fill us with a spirit of patience and endurance, perseverance and hope. Remove our fear and replace it with faith; keep us steadfast and grateful, keeping our hearts set on the prize---a prize that is not an easy pain free life on earth, but an immense joy and unimaginable peace in eternity, face to face, with You. Always forward never back. Amen.