through locked doors

Gospel of John 20:24-29 reflection

"You'd have to see it to believe it."

I think we have all said this, at one point or another, about one thing or another.

"I will believe it when I see it with my own eyes."

Lord knows, here in Sandy Hook, I heard that a lot.

And it's an interesting thing about us; that unless we witness for ourselves, we have trouble believing. And I wonder why? Is it fear? Fear of being taken advantage of? Or fear of looking stupid?

Thomas wanted more than to see Jesus. He wanted to see His wounds. Actually, Thomas wanted to stick his hands and fingers inside of the wounds. THEN...he would believe that Jesus had risen as his disciples had proclaimed.

I admit, there are moments in my life when I wonder where He is. If He is, at all. Because, well, life is hard. And it is not enough to hear my friends say, "Guess who I encountered today!" or "I heard a distinct male voice", because like Thomas must have felt, I wonder "why hasn't He shown up for me!? Why do you get the voice? Why would He appear to you and not to me?"

We all want to believe that Jesus is here, in our midst, but man, we all really want proof.

But maybe...maybe we have proof...daily...and we just fail to recognize it?

Maybe Jesus will not appear before us and guide our hands inside of His wounds, but maybe He appears to us in other ways, through other people, through seemingly insignificant circumstances. Like the birds that teach me the faithfulness to their offspring, or the bumper sticker that reads "TRUST IN GOD" and drives by me at the moment I needed the reminder, or the hug from my little one that began his day by whispering to me, "today is going to be a great day!"

And yet, maybe...maybe Jesus will appear before you today, as He did with Thomas. Ever think about that? Maybe He will show up, and hold out His pierced hands, inviting you to touch His wounds. And then what? Because if that happens, get ready to have your life turned upside down; be prepared for a mission that you may not be willing to go on. I wonder if maybe, we are asking for proof of something we are not ready to see. And by ready, I mean worthy.

Because I have a small amount of faith, I hold on to the belief that He is in my midst, wounds exposed, pouring out mercy and grace. And because He walks through locked doors, I am confident that He has the ability to appear to anyone of us; most especially the ones who demand proof, the ones who like Thomas, begin their sentences with "unless I see." In fact, I will bet He is in the room with those folks right now....patiently waiting, wounds exposed, walking through locked doors, offering His peace.