of whom shall I be afraid?( a peek into my morning journaling)

I think the greatest habit, perhaps, that I have taken back up this summer, is my journaling before prayer. It is a sacred and very vulnerable space for me, and it allows me to spill it all out; a dream or a nightmare, a pressing issue, a current painful circumstance, a song of praise for a joyful time. I write so fast, and I do not edit my thoughts, because it is just for me and for God, our own morning conversation. It helps me to clear my mind so that I can hear my heart; it prepares my soul for better focused prayer, so that I can encounter Christ more fully and deeply. And I would never ever share these pages with anyone....

until today.

This morning, I received an e mail with a prayer request and a cry for help.

And while the guts I spilled out this morning onto blank pages are not exactly an "answer" at all, they are, at the very least I hope, a sort of road map. A map of how I think...of how I process what is in my heart...of how I have learned to go from fear and despair to hope and gratitude. I share it with you, so that maybe when you read my words, you can offer up a prayer for a few friends who are desperate for healing. And maybe, even, that friend might be you. And in that case, you can be comforted in knowing that you are never alone in your pain, and that even in the worst of trials, there is always, always something to sing joyfully about.

Thank you to my friend who reached out to me today asking for prayers.

You have blessed me in a million ways; you have taken my focus off of myself and back on HIM, reminding me that suffering always has a purpose, and that He uses everything for good.

Wed. July 12

Of whom shall I be afraid?

Today, my Lord, my God.

Today, I give up the fear.

Today, I do not dwell on the "what-ifs", the "why's",

the "when's" or the"how's".

Today, I give it all to you.

100% of it.

I hang on to nothing.

Of whom shall I be afraid?

Of whom shall I fear?

Are there clothes on my body?

A couch to sit on?

Coffee in a mug?

Hugs and kisses from small ones in the morning?

Your Word, Lord, is a lamp.

A glaring sun in my eyes.

Blind me to everything, but You.

Today, my Lord, my God.

Take my fear.

I will no longer allow it to control me.

It no longer holds power.

It is paralyzing.

It freezes me in a single moment,

yet grabs my mind and runs it far ahead,

showing me the horror,

the awful possibilities,

the dread, the tragedy the pain that might happen.

It holds me under water.

It does not allow me up for air.

And it wants to kill me.

My faith.

My trust.

My hope.

My joy.

It is persistent.

It does not give up.

It throws tantrums and creates chaos and scares me

so that I can not make a move.

It hopes I choke and drown on my tears.

But you, my Lord and my God.

You are grace and mercy.

My shield.

My protector and comforter.

For you, nothing is too marvelous or impossible.

You know every detail of my life.

You care about what I care about.

You love my loved ones more than I humanly can.

You alone are God.

You created everything out of nothing.

You calm stormy seas.

You move mountains.

You part the ocean.

You walk on water.

You give sight to the blind.

You cure disease.

You heal the sick.

You mend what is broken.

My help is from You.

Of whom shall I be afraid?

Today, I can wipe away tears and find my strength in You,

the Almighty God.

You do not disappoint.

You work all things for good.

Thank you, my Lord, and my God.

Today, I will sing your praises and rejoice in You.

I will choose to hold my head above the waves,

and keep my eyes on You.

I will feel the sun shine up on me,

blinding me to the noise,

the lies,

the chaos,

the "what if's".

I will live for today, and I will hold out my empty hands,

accepting the grace you have to get me through just one more moment.

The grace for today that you always supply.

The grace you will replenish tomorrow.

I do not live by the enemy's "what if's".

I do not live by the evil one's whisper and lies.

He is powerless over me,

at the very name Jesus on my lips.

His head is crushed beneath the heel of our Lady.

He is not welcome here.

Today, I live for You,

my Lord, my God.

I thank You.

I praise You.

I trust in You.

Whom shall I fear when I know that I have you by my side?

You are my stronghold.

Today, it will not be all up to me,

because I have Your strength to empower me.

Lead me, Lord, lead kindly Light, and keep me safe.

I put all my trust in You.

One step ahead is all I need to see.

One step is enough.