"sinners paws", shark pencil sharpeners, and nothing other than grace. Yup. All in one ram

I am thinking about moving my office into the bathroom. Specifically, the shower. Because without fail, it is while I am shaving my legs that I have the BEST writing ideas and most amazing insights. I don't think it is the shower that gets my creative juices flowing, but more so the early morning. And perhaps the fact that I shower alone. Because the interruptions when I am at my desk are pretty often. Without fail, every time I get on a writing roll, someone pops their head into the room, looks at the dog, and yells, "COPPER!" Every. Single. Day. And not the same kid. EVERY kid. Even the kid that is never home. He appears, opens the door, and yells, "COPPER!" It's the strangest thing.

So, while walking around STAPLES, totally annoyed by all of the expensive and completely unnecessary and useless pieces of junk they pass off as school supplies, we walked out as the proud new owners of a shark pencil sharpener. This is not a pencil sharpener to be used by sharks, by the way. That would be silly. Sharks can't hold pencils. It is a shark shaped pencil sharpener. For my high school junior. Look out Newtown High. Someone is very serious about her school work this year.

So, my dog has managed to escape out of the fenced in yard three times this week. THREE TIMES. She does this by literally breaking through the fence. It is awesome. I love nothing more than running around my neighborhood pissed off with a pound of turkey in one hand and a leash in the other. Yesterday, I sent my daughter up to the fenced in area to keep the dog company and to ensure she didn't escape. The dog, not my daughter. And the irony? Not only did the dog escape, but we couldn't get my daughter out. True story, people. I don't make these things up. So while my dog ran around town like a lunatic, I was stuck in the yard trying to break off the lock on the gate ,so that my daughter could get out and chase the darn dog. By the time I got the lock off, the dog had returned. She was covered in filth and all sorts of twigs and sticky, prickly things. Her legs and paws were covered in mud. I call them her "sinners paws"; paws, that clearly, have been where paws should not have gone. And looking at her, covered in sin, it had me thinking...could you imagine if our sins were that visible? Could you imagine if every time we broke out of the fence, and ran off to places we have been warned not to go, we came back visibly filthy? We walked back into our homes, our communities, our churches, WEARING our sins? We might think twice about wandering off the narrow path, don't you think? Because let's be honest here, people. We all have "sinners paws". We just hide them better than the dogs.

Back to STAPLES..

I couldn't help but over hear a very stressed out mother, dealing with her hard to deal with son, over what school supplies were needed. The whole store couldn't help but over hear, actually. They went back and forth arguing over nothing. Not knowing the list. Not knowing what was needed. And the mother was totally irritated that they made this trip so that her son could stand there and yell, "I don't know!" And then....my daughter stepped in. The one with the shark pencil sharpener. She asked the mom if her son was going into High School, and then proceeded to share with the mom and son how high school worked, and what he needed. You could see the stress melting off of the both of them; the relief to have someone come in and offer help. People. I almost cried. In fact, I am almost crying right now thinking about it. When I told my awesome and compassionate daughter that what she did was so beautiful, she said, "I could tell her son was so stressed out...I get it...I have been there." And it is so interesting, and was so eye opening, don't you think? Because as a mother, all I saw was a super annoying kid and an exhausted mom who had no time for any of it. But my daughter. She saw an entirely different view; the young man's view, the view that mattered. And she saw it, because she has lived it. I saw annoying, but she recognized fear. And it has me wondering how many times I have failed at reading my own children's hearts, mistaking their fear and anxiety for disrespectfulness; how often I have failed to read my own heart, mistaking my fear for just about every other stupid thing I feel and do. And we need to do this, I think. We need to always do a heart check when emotions flare up, when feelings go wild. And we need to help others when we recognize familiar pain. I mean, that is what suffering is for, right? Not to be wasted, not to pretend it doesn't exist, but to use; to make someone else's life a little less stressed, a tiny bit easier. Faking we are all ok is exhausting. Aren't you tired of it? I am.

So, this morning I woke up different. I felt excited to be alive. To write. To do whatever God needed me to do. And when I drove to mass, I said out loud to nobody, "I love this town", which is funny, because usually I say out loud to nobody, "this town gives me a head ache." Because it does. But this morning the light was brighter and the trees looked greener and the roads seemed smoother. And nothing had changed. Nothing happened to make me feel this way. Nothing other than grace. Because I totally believe with my whole heart that what had changed this morning, was my openness to grace. And it had me thinking about a song that says "grace comes down and covers me" and that is exactly what it was, exactly how I felt. Covered. Grace came down and covered me. And I need to remember this feeling. I need to recall this when I am certain that God has left me.