instruments of grace
If you happen to work for our cable company, and were the employee that got an earful from my husband yesterday, let me just say...I am soooooo sorry. Something tells me, none of it was actually your fault.
So, my husband.
Great guy.
God fearing.
Family man.
Funny, gentle and kind.
Unless...you lose the remote, are a football ref that makes a bad call , or a cable guy that does not show up during your scheduled time.
Then, look out.
(my handsome husband who, when not missing the remote, is a very likable and lovable guy)
I could hear him yesterday, through two closed doors, sternly explaining how inconvenienced and frustrated he was by this cable company. His rant went on forever. Honestly. In the amount of time and energy he spent proving his point, he could have done all of the very things he told to customer support he could not do, because he stayed home waiting for them. And it always makes me a little bit uneasy. I always think, "Who is that poor soul on the other line? What is his or her story? And how many calls just like this call does he have to hear each day?"
When my husband approached me, and I inquired about the actual reason behind his call, his response was, "I was calling to complain." Followed by, "I needed it on the record." And as I scribbled notes while he spoke, he finally added, "you are going to misrepresent me on your stupid blog!!!!" (FYI, this conversation between us was a humorous one with laughter involved)
But seriously.
Think about it.
Our raised voices. Our anger. Our frustration. Our unkind words. Our finger pointing. Our constant criticizing. All directed at other human beings...why? Why do we need to complain? Why do we need to be right? Why is it so important that our point is heard and understood?
Sure, sometimes, a company, business, or a loved one needs to know when they are not doing their job. Customer service, right? Instructing the ignorant, right? We are called to point these things out, to "put it on the record" so to speak. But here is the danger in simply "calling to complain." Here is why my insides become uneasy, and I feel a tug on my heart.
Where is the grace?
It has been on mind quite a lot, lately, and certainly has been a feeling and thought that has grown in tremendous size...right along with the growth of my children...and I do not believe that is a coincidence. This grace. This heart of mine that feels what my babies feel...that is able to leap over my need to be right and to "put it on the record", because I recognize their real need. It no longer becomes about my appearance as a mother in control, or my desire for respect from my child, but rather...it blossoms into an opportunity for me to give grace. The beauty in all of the necessary hardships, and all night terrors and demons God has allowed me to face and to battle, is that they are actually gifts; gifts that have made me slower to anger, and quicker to compassion. Gifts that have taught me that we are not given problems, but opportunities, not given obstacles, but a chance to seek out new solutions. You see, when you are able to recognize and remember your own rescue, you also recognize the undeserved grace, and the only thing that makes sense ever is to become that grace for another.
By no means am I proclaiming that I am an easy going woman who never gets frustrated or loses her cool. But what I am saying is that the more time I spend recalling the grace and mercy that God has shown me when I did not deserve a bit of it, the more I pray I can become a human instrument of grace. The more I pray I can lose my desire to be right, and humbly take my seat next to the tax collectors and prostitutes. Because really, that is where I belong. Because actually, that is where Jesus prefers to be. And I'd like to sit with Him.
Because this is precisely what happens when we have that initial encounter with Christ; when we recognize our own sin and wretchedness, when we can recall our own years of alienation and hostility of mind that lead us to perform evil deeds we never imagined we could. We can recall. And we can be grateful. And we can hold on to the hope of the Gospel that we have heard and helps us to stand firm and grounded, with out shifting or shaking. (Letter of Saint Paul to the Corinthians 1:21-23) And it is here, in this place, that humility is born, and love and mercy swoop in, digging for us a new well of grace, not just for us to drink from, but to offer to everyone we encounter.
When the crazy mother on the field at your kids game parks herself next to you on the bleachers, do you get irritated, shift yourself an inch away, or do you show her grace?
When your children do not listen to you or follow your rules, then come running to you crying when they land themselves in trouble, do you tell them "I told you so", or do you show them grace?
When your boss overlooks your accomplishments and doesn't give you the praise you think you deserve, do you talk behind his back, or do you show him grace?
And when your cable guy doesn't show up between 8am-1pm like scheduled, do you complain to customer service, or do you give them grace?
Giving grace is not always easy, but I can assure you, it feels so much better than arguing your point, or simply complaining. Because when our desire is to prove we are right, we may never get the fulfillment we seek. But when our desire is to please God in all that we do and say, He will always reward us, we will never walk away unsatisfied.
You know, it is possible to instruct and call out injustice lovingly. It is possible to change a mind, and speak your own, without insult, or bad mouthing. And we are more likely to convert hearts, when we ourselves, clearly, have given our own heart to something so much greater.
How will you be an instrument of grace today?
