cranberry juice, seasonal bedding, and other things other moms do, just to make me feel like a big l
When my first born was about 4 months old and my daily showering and full night of sleeping had become a thing of the past, we were invited to a friends house, in celebration of the birth of their second child. It took me nine hours to pack the diaper bag, six hours to get myself dressed, and three weeks to clothe the baby and get him in the car seat. I was a real natural at parenting.
And all I can remember from that visit was....cranberry juice.
Because this mother of two small people, as soon as I walked in, offered me something to drink. And she opened her clean fridge, and revealed to me the most incredible thing I had ever seen.
A fully stocked refrigerator. And not only was it full, but, it had an assortment of beverage choices, one of which, was cranberry juice.
"Who has the time to buy cranberry juice?" was seriously all I could think.
"She has a new baby. And a two year old. And she has cranberry juice?? What is she? Some sort of robot? Super hero? Like, a crazy juice buying maniac? How on earth does she do it all?"
You see, I was hard pressed, in my early parenting days, to run the water faucet and catch it all in a glass, let alone have beverage options. So the idea of getting dressed, with a grocery list, actually making it to the store, and then buying cranberry juice....well...it seemed impossible. And so right there, at that party, I defined what successful mothering looked like. Successful mothering meant that when someone dropped by your place, you were able to open the fridge, and offer them cranberry juice.
It also meant you had seasonal bedding and china. And every fall, you rip off the old sheets, and on goes the autumn sheets. And every day after Thanksgiving, down comes the plain white china, and out comes the Christmas Spode. And this was all very upsetting to a girl like me. Because you know what I am doing the day after Thanksgiving? I'm in the freakin' fetal position under a card table covered in pieces of left over turkey and stuffing. And sheets? Good grief. I haven't changed them since Christmas 2012. Does that count as seasonal? Or just unsanitary? And I do have every intention of changing them, so you know. But to change my daughter's bed sheets would require me collecting the scissors, sharpie markers, pads of paper, empty water bottles buried between the sheets, as well as disposing of the fruit basket kept hidden underneath her bed. Not sure what that's about. Harry and David delivering to teen bedrooms? It's just a lot of work, is all I'm saying.
What I failed to acknowledge on that day was the fact this woman invited us over. She knew we were coming. And most likely, she sent her husband out to buy orange juice. But he forgot what kind of juice, and so he grabbed the cranberry juice. Or maybe she had a yeast infection. Whatever the case, it was no big deal, and I get that now. I didn't get that, then.
And I think we can do this. I think we can see such a small glimpse of somebody else's life, hold it up next to ours, and decide that under no circumstances, do we match up. And so the self loathing sets in, and the ridiculous standards we set for ourselves are put into place, and what has really happened here, is a life sentence to living defeated. To always comparing. To forever falling short. To living a half filled life.
My life will never look like yours, nor should it. And the same goes for you. It would be wise for us to saturate our children in this truth; our sweet children who see way too much, 24/7...who think if their life does not follow the mold, look like everyone else's, there must be something terribly wrong with them. Outside of having a personal relationship with Jesus, and doing everything out of love for Him, there is no "right way" to do life. There are no "mess ups" that can not be cleaned up. There are no "wrongs" that can not turn into "rights". But we fall so fast into despair when things don't go as planned. We fall fast into depression when what we hoped in, was something other than God.
We need to treat ourselves better. We need to lose false expectations, and drop the comparisons, and remember that God loves us, just as we are, without any cranberry juice, with out Pottery Barn bedsheets. We need to jump off of the treadmill of "keeping up" before it throws us off. We need to sit down and rest in this truth.
Because here is the thing. Cranberry juice? I wish that was all I was lacking. I wish that today, no cranberry juice was my biggest battle. It is a matter of life and death, sweet friends, that we decide right here and now, who we belong to, and it is a matter of life and death that we declare our identity in Christ alone, and that we believe His plan for us is good...even if His plan for you looks messier, and harder than the woman next to you, holding her jug of juice, taking out her Christmas plates. None of that matters in the end. Absolutely none of it.
What matters is that we stay attached to the vine, acknowledge our roots, and rest in Him, knowing and believing that whatever life looks like right now....it is still good.
*dedicated to my wonderful husband, Nick, on our 21st wedding anniversary, who encourages and loves me daily, as a mom, wife and friend, and who, no matter how messy and hard things get, reminds me whose I am, and loves me hard to this truth. This life together has not been easy, but it is still good. Because HE is still good. Love you, Nick. Let's celebrate well tonight. Maybe there is a steak or wedding cake under the girls' bed we can break into....the fruit basket, sadly, is looking a little old...like us.;-)
