What are you looking for?

Had I not ever recognized my desperate spiritual need for something more, I would have never found what I was looking for.

And it is funny, and by funny I really mean prideful and all sorts of wrong, that up until recently I thought "how lucky I am to have realized this need on my own! How fabulous that I set out on my own doing to seek the Lord. I must be some sort of prophet or Saint in the making!" Now, I will say that actually, yes...we are all Saints in the making...but this inner desire I had to seek out that something more? This desperate need and hunger that alerted me that what I was currently feeding on and drinking in was not working and was more than likely never going to fully satisfy? None of this was my doing.

How do I know that? Well, because I am not that bright and rarely make the right choices on my own. Just saying.

Well, that...and this...

God created us with the desire to know Him. To seek Him. To hope in Him. Argue that one all you want, but sorry to say, this is the truth. And so we can not take credit when we miraculously wake up on the wide path to misery and decide, "Ya know what? This path just feels wrong--I think I need a personal and intimate relationship with Jesus!" And sure, maybe that does happen....to the uber bright and holy....but that didn't happen with me. What happened to me was much more simple and less profound.

I heard someone who knew Jesus well talk about Him, and I got curious. Why? Because this guy looked happy. And I wanted to be happy. I think we all do. So I started to look for God. I guess you can say I had gotten so low and sick of my way, that I was willing to try another way. A better way. The only way. So you see, my search for God never really began with me and my own thoughts. My seeking out Christ in a very real and tangible way began with God. His plan for me. The thoughts He placed in my mind. God is the one behind our desire to find that something more. And that something more is Him.

He is looking for us. He is looking for me and He is looking for you. Right now. Everyday all day, He never tires or takes a coffee break or stops to update His status because His status never changes: I AM LOOKING FOR YOU. He seeks you out tirelessly and relentlessly because His love for you is wild and He knows that the only way you will ever find what you truly need...not want, but truly need...is when you jump off of that easy wrong path to nowhere, and give the hard act of following Him a shot.

So, what are you looking for?

What are your REAL NEEDS?

What do you want?

What do you seek?

What do you hope for?

What are your deepest desires?

We need to ask ourselves these questions. They are the very questions that Jesus asked His first Apostles; the disciples, who after John announces Him as "the Lamb of God"watched as He walked by, and then followed Him. (Jn 1:35-42) And Jesus doesn't turn around and say, "What's up dudes? Why are you following me? It's kind of creepy." Instead, He turns around, and He asks a question.

"What are you looking for?"

And the disciples answer? If you really spend some time with it today...is something for great pause and reflection. They respond with a question of their own.

"Where are you staying?"

And when I picture this scenario in my mind, all I can think of is that first time I really looked into my husband's eyes. We had only gone out on one date, but there was just something about Him. And I desired to be with him. To follow him. To hold his hand. Always. This relationship felt different, and the pull to be with him and get to know him better was undeniable. And he is just an ordinary sinner! A simple man! Not divine! So, can you picture the love in Jesus's eyes as He turned around? It had to be amazing. It had to be different. It had to be so incredibly powerful for these two men to ask where He was staying and could they follow, right? Because otherwise, it would have been creepy. But there is no creepy in Jesus. Only love.

And yes, go ahead and quote me on that . "There is no creepy in Jesus." Surprising I don't have a degree in theology, right?

I am thinking and praying about this today, sweet friends, and I ask that you do the same.

What am I looking for? And where is Jesus staying?

Am I looking for true soul satisfaction, or am I seeking out a worldly, material quick fix?

Am I staying close to Jesus today, or am I staying close to earthly things that will never truly satisfy?

You see, I believe whole heartedly that what we are all looking for is not a what but a who.

And I also believe whole heartedly that most of us are looking for what we truly need in all of the wrong places. (And go ahead, start singing looking for love in all the wrong places...it will now be in your head all day long. You're welcome.)

Yes, we are seeking...but are we seeking in the right places?

Yes, we have serious desires for happiness and comfort...but are we turning to the true source of these longings?

Have we tapped into our desperate spiritual need of a Savior and healer, or are we turning to false idols, gurus, meaningless relationships, sex, alcohol, shopping, pornography, chips and salsa?

For the record, chips and salsa really isn't as bad as pornography. I admit, that was a pretty big leap.

As Lent approaches quickly, it might be a good idea to further explore this; this "what are you looking for" question. Jesus asked this of the two disciples over 2,000 years ago, and He asks the very same thing of us, today. If you are unsure of how to break this down and unpack it all, I will share with you what I do. First and foremost, I pour coffee. Then...I dive into Scripture. Then, I pour more coffee. Then, I dive into prayer. Then, I pour more coffee. Then I try to make it to Mass as often as I can, to worship this God I am growing closer to through all that Scripture and prayer. Then, I go to bathroom. Because of all of that coffee.

You know, I spent a really long time--too much time--trying to find happiness in the safest, most comfortable and immediate way. But the Gospels aren't safe. And following Jesus will never be comfortable. And if you are looking for immediate satisfaction, you won't find it in the Catholic Church. TJ Maxx, absolutely. But not the Catholic Church. But I will say this. If you intentionally look for Jesus like it was your job, and choose to stay with Him, you will find what you are looking for. It won't be easy, but that is okay, because nothing worth while ever is.

And by the way, after the disciples asked Jesus where He was saying, He didn't say "none of your business" or "stop stalking me, freaks". He said, "come and see." He extends the ultimate invitation. And He invites you too, to do the same. The question is, will you except it?