social media, crappy shoes, living like sheep, and the third dog you need to talk me out of getting.

Is it just me, or do you also imagine people dropping tampons into the collections basket at Mass when they announce "the special monthly collection?" And why do I feel like every time I begin a sentence with "Is it just me"....it usually is?

So the invisible fence we installed has been a complete game changer and my life has improved 200%. I am now considering wearing my own shock collar and putting invisible fences around certain people....my teenagers....TJ Maxx....the tweezer after I have had too much wine.

So with my book release this June I am trying to be more present on social media and well...I am reminded of why I really am not that present on social media. Can we please just take a moment of silence for those who have trouble being silent? Of course, I don't mean we should remain silent on certain darkness that we are called to bring to light. But I am not seeing all that much light, is the thing...and I don't have enough chips and salsa to get me through all that noise without wanting to throw myself into our pond head first. Can we please go back to the days of writing letters by candlelight and pigeon carriers? Pa on the fiddle and our hair in braids? We'd think a whole lot more about what we had to say if it required time and thought and involved a pigeon.

Remember when I mentioned that I was thinking about possibly considering the idea of maybe one day seriously pondering and perhaps eventually contemplating seriously attempting to do the Whole30? Well, guess who is doing it? My husband. And he looks and feels great. He is also now cooking every dinner. People. This is a gift from the Holy Spirit for everyone that used to have to eat my dinners. Gotta say, I am very impressed with my husbands will power, perseverance and cooking skills. Yesterday he made giant turkey meatballs...huge balls...and so you can just imagine how fun that dinner conversation was. And by fun I mean inappropriate. And he also speaks a new Whole30 language announcing things things like, "I found the compliant mayo!" No idea what the means, but I'm glad he found it. I told him I would fully join him on this new way of eating...as soon as I finish my loaf of bread.

So one of the things I gave up for Lent is complaining. On the first day I complained the entire day about how difficult this sacrifice is for me. Thank the Lord that He is a God of do-overs and try try agains.

GREAT NEWS! Remember how my husband threw out my shoes in the midst of our move? I FOUND THEM. He did NOT throw them out after all...I had stashed them in the mesh zippered pocket of a suitcase that has been on the floor of my closet unopened since January 6th. When I brought them out to my husband he took one look at them and said, "These are the shoes you were upset over? You could have bought better at The Goodwill!" And he's right. I have no idea what I was thinking....like, I was imagining fifteen pairs of my best Manolo Blahnik's gone forever? Pathetic. But hey, at least I found them. What a blessed week for the Phelps family...we found both the compliant mayo and my crappy shoes!

My little dog pees on furniture. On the corners of the couches, my bed, chairs....I bought him diapers and besides that being its own kind of ridiculousness, he does not keep them on. The Vet offered a $70 urine analysis because it sounded strange to her that he was behaving this way and I would totally do that except for the $70 part. Any little dog owners out there with this problem? Because all I have to say is...I have white couches...with yellow corners.

And speaking of dogs and how deep down I have accepted the truth that I am truly not a dog person...I am thinking about getting a third, bigger dog...you know...to play outside with the medium sized dog so the little dog doesn't get his dew claw ripped off again. Crazy? Talk me out of this please.

Anybody else read, "He will place the sheep on his right and the goats on his left" this morning and have an "oh crap" moment? Please Lord...let me be a sheep....(Matthew 25:31-46)

What I did read that terrified me less and encouraged me more was from Psalm 119, "Bend my heart to your will and not to love of gain." Followed by Ann Voskamp's quote from her book One Thousand Gifts, "Live everyday like you're terminal. Because you are. Live everyday like your soul's eternal. Because it is." Not everyone might like that quote, but I happen to love it. I happen to believe it. Makes you rethink your next move, doesn't it?

I'm all about the heart this Lent. How can I purify mine? How can I return it whole? Because eliminating chips and salsa really only makes me thinner and probably a little less alive. I am trying to pay more attention to matters of the heart...digging deep within and allowing God to point out the places of sickness and disease, the pieces that are hardened and disconnected...taking in more quiet time and sitting in the silence asking God to speak to my heart, to bend it to His will...and asking myself things like... Why am I losing my patience? Why am I irritated by a comment? Why am I afraid? Why does this person rub me the wrong way? Why do I hold back from giving more? Why do I have a beard? Because really. Why do I have a beard?

So you know my obsession with The Greatest Showman, right? Every song lyric is biblical and go ahead and laugh at me but I swear...everything we do, write and sing is always about the Lord. Maybe not intentionally...but still...it is. To me, at least. And so I am planning in my head a Catholic Circus Retreat, where we will break down every song, relate it to Scripture, and swing from a trapeze...because I have always wanted to do that.

That is enough rambling from me to you...time for us to get up, put on our crappy found shoes, and go live like sheep.