crooked serpents, pulling teeth, and the holy spirit that flew away.

Saint Dymphna pastel art, by my daughter, Belle

It was an incredible, Holy Spirit filled weekend here, as my beautiful daughter was confirmed. I felt confident in her preparation, despite the fact that she thought the seven gifts of the Holy Spirit included "frankincense and spices." Or that she thought the Bishop lived in "that France place", which actually, she meant Rome...and well, that's the Pope. But other than that.....this girl was ready. I begged her not to shower or wash her face afterwards because is there anything better than the smell of chrism oil??? Her entire head was like a piece of focaccia. She was, every bit of her, delicious, and took me right back to her baby smell on her Baptism day. She chose Saint Dymphna as her Saint, which really tells you that thought was involved. Most girls choose Cecilia (my Saint) or Elizabeth or Clare...great Saints with pretty names. But Annie chose Dymphna. Patron Saint of anxiety, depression, mental illness....she picked her out of a children's Saint Book when she was in the third grade. I'm obsessed with this story because I so clearly see God's hand working in my sweet girl's heart.

And then the weekend ended and I woke up Monday morning, and I think I left the window open or something because I swear, that flipping Holy Spirit flew away.

Don't you hate that? How is it even possible that we can be tossed from the top of the mountain so easily??? How is it even possible that one day I am all praise hands and singing His glory and the next I am all like, "why is this crooked serpent biting me???"

The bills, people. Good grief, the bills. My children's teeth all decided to need help and work and pulling the same exact week. After hearing the cost of removing four wisdom teeth I can't help but feel that I could do the procedure myself. I mean, how hard can pulling teeth be? I told the receptionist at Dental Associates that when I die, I'd like them to take all of my paper bills and craft them into roses and leave them on my grave. She laughed...but I wasn't joking. And then there's the whole college tuition thing...apparently they expect you to actually pay that...or you can't register for classes. Back in the day, when money was tight, I would sell my clothes to the thrift shop on LaBrea in Los Angeles. But all I have to sell now are the cats...or my children...because if I sell my clothes I will be naked....I have only one outfit and I need it....and trust me....no one wants to see me naked. Four kids, trauma and a serious sour patch addiction as of late have not been kind to me.

Do people buy wisdom teeth?? Maybe I can sell them on Craigslist...I will have four, after all. I'm totally going to google do people buy wisdom teeth.

You know you are weary on the journey when you offer to pull your own child's wisdom teeth. You really now you are weary on the journey when your husband walks into the kitchen to get coffee and you think to yourself, "Oh come on...must he walk???" Yes. His walking irritated me.

And don't get me started on his breathing.

But praise be to God for morning prayer, a lot of coffee and the promise of an actual commission check in the mail, which is never enough but then again..when is anything ever enough?...and the rosary I prayed this morning that honestly, if I could have curled up on each bead and just rested there for a few years I would have....I am feeling like the Holy Spirit has flown back in. At least he is perched closed by. And I am thinking about this journey...be it the Lenten one, or just the everyday life one...and how easily we get discouraged...how easily we fall into despair...how easily we start complaining and comparing and decide on a dime that really, no one has it as hard as we do. And yes. By "we" I mean me. And all I can offer you today is this: that if you are in this place...if you were up high on the mountain and woke up to the bitter valley...if this journey has you low on patience and feeling weary...pray to the Lord to take the serpents away. And then buy some sour patch kids. And then eat the whole bag. They have zero fat. Yes, the first four ingredients are sugar. But we are pulling all of our teeth out over here on Monday, so really, who cares? In fact, I am going to save the pile of sugar that remains at the bottom of the bag when I have eaten every last candy, and I am going to brush my teeth with it. Just for fun. Take that, Dental Associates.

Seeing with eyes of faith, especially in the times you feel your faith dwindling, is so hard. I literally just asked my husband if he could make a saraph and mount in on a pole and put it in the living room. Because seriously, my faith can be so diseased...and am I really any different than the children of Israel, patience worn out, constant complaining, complete forgetfulness of how I have been saved, needing to rely on and look at a bronze serpent, just so I can live?

I am just so glad it is eyes of faith and not teeth of faith.

If it were teeth of faith I'd be screwed.

But it is eyes.

Let's be intentional about what we look at today, and to whom we look to, to be saved.