What are you looking at?
Pulling into Mass on Sunday, my son spotted an ambulance and asked what the "snake on the stick" on the side of the vehicle meant.
"You know the story about Moses and the complaining Israelites? Remember how snakes were sent to bite them and kill them, and do you remember what God told Moses to do?"
Before I could finish, my sweet Annie, who is not known for her retaining facts shouted out, "He said to make a bronze serpent and for everyone to look at it!"
We were all very surprised and equally impressed by her knowledge.
"That is right, Annie! Good job! And can you tell Luke what would happen if they looked at it once it was raised?"
And without hesitation, she proudly answered,
"THEY WOULD DIE.....no, wait...they would turn into stone! Or was it salt?"
So close...yet, so far...
And in case you had the same religious education teacher as Annie, the correct answer is...they would live. (and fun fact: for years, I was her religious education teacher.)
And it has me thinking this morning, as I light my new Virgen De Guadalupe candle from Target and settle into prayer as I shake my head at the falling snow on April 10th. What am I looking at to save myself? Because you see, this Target candle purchase? This was an intentional "I need to get my focus back on Christ" purchase. A "I need to kick things up a notch" because this April snow is depressing me and I swear, the grey that hangs in the sky has been trickling into my heart, and Easter season or not...well...things just feel grey. And can I add that it hardly seems like a fair deal that when you work more for the Lord and aim to to really do His will, that the enemy attacks come faster and with more subtle power...that the target on your back gets bigger. At least that is how it feels, and well, you can totally understand why one might choose to fly under the radar, and to settle for a life of earthly things and quiet desperation, because doing God's work is too risky and always comes with a cost, and who wants to have to pay for what they feel like they can not possibly afford?
And I want to say "not me" but that is not true. And so there needs to be a battle plan of sorts. There needs to be a recipe to follow so that this grey and this snow and these relentless attacks don't make me give up and run the other way, or worse...kill me, or turn me into stone or salt.
I need to look at the bronze serpent. All. Day. Long.
Not Instagram. (at least not all day long...a little is okay...but not all day long)
Not at what other people have that I don't. (why do we do this? Why is this so easy to do? Why can't making dinner or putting clean laundry away be as easy as looking at what other people have?)
Not on lingering negative thoughts about who I am and how that hardly feels beautiful or enough.
Not at the stupid kitchen sink. (Because good grief, Lord, but didn't I just do the dishes? I swear, you are multiplying the dishes in my sink. Multiply my patience, or bank account...not the dishes.)
Not at all of the problems, and "what if's" and certainly not the growing to do list and email inbox that for the last five days I have not been able to get under 37 unread messages.
You wouldn't think that it was possible to work in ministry and take your eyes off of the Lord, would you? It is a gradual pulling apart where everyday distractions take the place of intentional actions until you one day realize, "Holy cow, I just spent the last three hours looking at social media and tweezing my beard and now I really need to eat a bag of jelly beans and drink a bottle of wine because I have no idea why, but I just feel so unsatisfied."
This has to stop. Right now. Especially the bag of jelly beans part.
Here is my plan for today and feel free to join me.
Every hour...scripture.
One verse. Every hour.
I know...it sounds crazy...every hour...but let me ask you, do you check social media hourly? Do you look at Facebook every hour? Do you complain about something every hour? We can do this. One verse. The same verse. All day. Every hour.
Starting this today.
It will be my third time.
Disclaimer: something awful happens every time I do this.
Care to join me?
I really just sold that one, didn't I?
But really...I believe that the something awful was going to happen, regardless...and now? Now I have the Blessed Mother's full attention and protection to get me through.
I love her. That Mary...she is a good example for us and she always leads us to Jesus. Let's do this.
Daily Mass.
My family was hit with the plague and I have not been to daily Mass in what feels like forty years.
If you can't make mass this morning, how about a pop into the church just to say hello?
Two minutes, people. That is all.
Pop in. And just look. He is there and he waits for you.
I will read a chapter of my own book.
Yup.
It is on the daily battle and how we can fight it.
You can read it too...in June.
But it is on sale and you can pre-order it here.
And yes, that is a shameless plug...but I have been so distracted by so many things I have forgotten what a labor of love and piece of my heart this book truly is.
I will pay attention at what I am looking at and how it makes me feel. (like the pimple on the end of my nose. Why, Lord? I am going to be 48 years old this month! Why the pimple on the end of my nose?")
....and suddenly I recall the song the folk group sang on Sunday...Eyes to You...
You see, I am convinced that the enemy aims at our eyes. Directs them to the very things that bring us down. Has us focus on a word in an email or an image in our Instagram feed that makes us feel less than, like we are not enough, like everything stinks. And by stinks I mean sucks. Let's fix our eyes on something greater. SomeONE greater. Because I don't know about you, but I am tired of looking to the meaningless things and false hope that this world shoves in our weary faces and claims will save us; that makes us feel like nothing we do matters, that it is never enough, that we are never enough. That our problems will never go away and we are destined to a sink full of dishes and half filled life. Let's stop this today. Let's start looking at truth. Let's lift our eyes up, along with out hearts, to the one who has risen, to the one who can fill us, to the one that truly saves our lives.
Eyes to you, Lord.
