planting seeds and breaking egg shells and living life like we believe John 3:16

This is what I am thinking about this morning.

A lot.

A lot is what I am thinking about.

About the Gospel, and God's love for us. A love so big that He gave up His only Son for us...sinners...big time messer - uppers - so that we can live abundantly. Yes, that. And not just thinking about that, but thinking about how really, we truly do not understand this. Because if we did, we would not question His will for us ever. We would do it. Because we would know how loved we are, we would understand what He has done for us, and his sacrifice and suffering for us would rock us to our core - penetrate us so deeply that I mean, really...we would jump to say YES to whatever it is He was calling us to do because no other option would make any sense at all. Every motive, every response, every action, step and reaction to whatever disaster or crisis we were faced, with would be born and greeted purely and completely out of this unspeakable love. It would kick all worry and every anxiety to the curb where it belongs, because there is no fear in love, and our simple human minds - minds that love everything to make sense and jump into worst case scenario mode at the slightest pinch of pain - would get that. Would comprehend that. That there is no greater love than this and that the answer to everything actually is love, and that our very lives have been purchased with the blood of Christ. Every last drop. He loves to the point of draining His blood. Who loves like that?

About my kids. One in particular who may or may not have rolled her eyes at me last night when she sobbed and poured out her heart and how I dared to use the word GOD in my response to her pain. And how there is a such a balance here, in talking to our teenagers about God; how we try to refrain from it because we say, "they are too young to understand" or "I know that God works all things for good, but how can a kid possibly understand that?" And so I tread these waters lightly, so not to turn them off from this Savior of ours...until... I go and describe my Lord as Savior, and then I throw the whole stupid careful recipe away and stop tip toeing on egg shells like they are too fragile to receive the truth, and just stomp and smash the darn shells to pieces and give in to my preaching in the marketplace because honestly, if I am not going to show my children the truth...eyes rolled or not...who on earth will? Who? Some random soul on snap chat? Netflix? The mall? The kids in the cafeteria? And yes, I know...the only one who converts hearts to Jesus is Jesus...that I understand. And yes. I know. God is God and nothing is impossible for Him and He may very well choose to encounter someone through snap chat and the mall and that awful school cafeteria. But you know what else He chose? Me. God chose ME to parent these precious, wandering, immersed in chaos and confusion, innocent lambs...and I do not believe for a hot second that His desire for me is to keep His name quiet. To keep Jesus hidden. So let the eyes roll....I am planting seeds and breaking egg shells, because I have seen what seeds do....and I will not grow weary no matter how long the winter and how heavy the frost, because despite the cold and the darkness that feels like it may never end, seeds still grow. And really, the longer the winter, how much more do we appreciate the bloom? How much more to we give thanks for the sun that warms our shoulders, as we linger longer on the porch, resting in the light that was hidden for far too long?

About perseverance. And endurance. And the giant bag of problems I have been handed in my lifetime that actually, were never really problems, but opportunities. Opportunities to grow in strength, in wisdom, in my knowledge of the Lord, in my personal relationship with Jesus, and how He loves me even though I have done so many stupid and evil things and will most likely continue to do stupid and evil things, but that even on my worst day I am still His beloved. (thank you Michelle Benzinger for that quote that I may tattoo on the right side of my face so that everyone else can know this about themselves ) We don't get to choose the bag we are handed, but we do get to choose how we respond to it, right? And if we choose to see it as problems, then our reaction is going to be, "how do I get rid of this?" And then we try to get by on our own strength. We fool ourselves into thinking we do not need any help. But when we choose to see the bag of burdens for what it is...a gift...an opportunity...that will lead us to a great trophy at the end of this race...then we hold on tight to it..and we ponder it...and we bring it to our faithful Father's feet and we sit with it for a while...waiting for the instructions...not necessarily excited about what we have been given, but believing that despite its discomfort and inconvenience and resisting that really strong temptation to throw it at somebody who appears to have a much easier life than we do, then we allow ourselves this space for grace...this moment when we give up our anger and bargaining and tantrum directed at Christ, and we see it for what it is. The every thing that we need. Why?

...well, because that brings us right back to the very first thing on my mind this morning. His love for us. Oh, how He loves us. And oh, how we really do have such a difficult time comprehending this. Because love today, from what I have lived and seen and so gratefully, on good days - which are too far and few in between - have risen above - is not so much about what can I sacrifice out of total love - but what can you give me - so that I feel like I am loved? It is hard thing, isn't it? To pour yourself out totally and completely for another...and never demand a return....never ask "what's in it for me?"...to love to the point that you can say "yes" to God when every fiber in your body screams, "no!!!!!! Take this away!!" To love to the point that you risk looking like a Jesus freak every time you mention His name to a friend, child, spouse, stranger, who may have never met this Jesus. To love to the point that you can wake up to the same mess, the same situation, the same illness, the same cold, the same darkness, and be at total peace because you know that even in the darkness, the light will still shine, and that perhaps...on this cold and dark day, with the car covered in an unexpected frost and cold hearts you have been chosen to carefully hold, tent to and nurture, that you so are longing to defrost and bring back to the truth...not in a week, and not in a few years, but right now....you are actually the light that is needed. And time, and waiting, and patience is what you are being asked to demonstrate. On this day. In this present circumstance. In this freezing cold mess. God calls you. He hands you the bag. It is not another problem, it is an opportunity. Hold on to it. Or throw it away. The response is up to you. He loves you, regardless. Oh, how he loves us all.

This is what I am thinking about this morning.