climbing thrown stones and finding your peace

I am hiding out in my eleven year old's bedroom writing because he is on the x box in the living room , right by my desk. Yes. I know it is only 6:25 am. Yes. I know it is before school. Yes. I know that is way too much screen time. And he will probably grab a chocolate muffin from Costco for breakfast, too. Have you seen Costco muffins? They are bigger than my head. And a chocolate muffin? Who came up with that? Because isn't a chocolate muffin really just chocolate cake, without the frosting? Feel free to drop my "Worlds Best Mother Award" in the mail.

And now I am looking at the clock and realizing that what is in my head and heart, the thoughts and pondering's I want to share that were born out of my morning prayer, are way more than the time that I have. Let's see if my three cups of coffee have given me the clarity to express myself in few words.

First of all, The reading from the Acts of the Apostles, 14:19-28. One of my favorites. The one about necessary hardships. The one where Paul is stoned to what appears to be death but gets back up after the disciples gathered around him. Good grief, we can talk about that for days. Or at least I can. Because I have been to what has felt like the point of death. I have been hit by stones of unpleasant circumstances, and terrifying situations. And because of the people God created and sent my way for such a time as these, to gather around me, I too, have gotten up, each and every time.

Who gathers around you? Maybe something good to reflect on this morning.

I also love how the disciples endure so much, walk so far, sacrifice everything...and then call the Church together to report what God had done with them. Not what they had done. But what God had done.

How often do we forget this and credit ourselves...our own efforts...our own works... for every good accomplishment?

And then there's the Gospel. (John 14:27-31a) Again. We can spend days on this. Years, even. "My peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give it to you." And then Jesus follows it up with the famous, "Do not let your hearts be troubled or afraid." And we can read that and think, "Yeah right. Sure. Okay. Whatever, Jesus. Easier said than done." But if we do that, it is because we are missing the point. It is not about having no trouble or fear...because read a little bit further into this Gospel, and Jesus alerts us that "the ruler of the world is coming." The ruler of the world! That is satan, by the way. And well...that's totally troubling and scary, not to mention kind of a killjoy. But only a killjoy if we fail to to do some serious reflection on those five words..."not as the world gives." And I know it is no easy thing to keep your eyes fixed on heaven when the earth feels like it can swallow you up whole. I understand the discipline it takes to not fall into the pit of despair when you really want "magician Jesus" to just freaking show up already and fix every last bit of your pain because honestly, Lord, enough is enough. And how a mess like me has managed to open the door of my selfish heart just enough to allow His grace to pour in...because truly, His grace pours....I have no clue, but I can say in all honesty that despite the problems that arise and the restlessness I spoke of just yesterday...there is still peace. A peace not of this world.

Over coffee with a friend yesterday, she asked, "how are you?"and I said, "good" and her face got all serious and she said, "no you are not. That's the FINE we say. How are you really?" And this is what real friends do. They pull out the honesty. They give you permission to take off your mask. They hold you accountable. But here is the thing. I am good. I was good. I was tired, for sure, and wrestling with some things, but even so...I was and am good. And dare I pull out what might come across as some spiritual mumbo jumbo while I use scripture to describe my state of being, but I gotta say...it is well with my soul. For real! In fact, it is not only well, and I am not only good, but I am at peace. Even with the necessary hardships. Even with the stones thrown directly at me. Even with the piles of garbage on the floor of my mini van. PILES, people. I am driving a dumpster. Even with. I have tremendous peace. Not the false peace that this world offers...but the real peace that Jesus leaves us; the peace in knowing that he is one with the Father, the peace that comes from the truth that the ruler of the world has no power over the Father. The peace of having people who gather around me, the peace that follows those rare moments when I give God the credit and not myself. The peace when I get that feeling in my bones that even with all the things that aim to bring me down...He is still good.

How can we do this? How can we be at peace when our circumstances don't match up?

Well, Jesus gives us a hint to the answer in the last line of today's Gospel. "but the world must know, that I love the Father and that I do just as the Father has commanded me."

If we love the Father and in return, do as He says, we will find it impossible to love the things of this world; the empty promises and false hope that always leaves us thirsting for something more. We will be drawn to His commandments, and will walk to the ends of the earth following Him, and proclaiming what God has done, always rejoicing in this awesome news.

If you are not at peace today, name your stones. Call out what is being thrown at you. And then find yourself that group of friends who can gather around you and help you get back up; that tribe, those few people who will not allow you to be knocked down, who will grab your hand and climb those stones with you. And when you do get up and start climbing...because you will...follow Jesus. With every fiber of your being, do what he commands and follow him and tell everyone you meet about what he is doing in you and then crack the door of your heart open just a bit is all it takes, and watch in amazement as his grace pours in, as you are flooded by His peace.