free pets, talking to the devil, and joy with no cost. Yup. It's Friday morning thoughts.

When I was a kid, my father taught me that "there is no such thing as a free lunch." I wish he had taught me that "there is no such thing as a free pet."

Our first "free pet" came with heart worm. It cost over a thousand dollars to save the free pup's life. So the dog was free. The worms weren't. In fact, he had more than heart worm. He had every freaking worm on the planet. Worms I had never even heard of. Ring, pin, hook, tape, round, glow...well, not glow...but honestly, why not? (and can we talk about the glow worm for one second...why did we buy that creepy glow worm and put it in our baby's crib? A worm? Is it just me, or is that kind of strange? Who cuddles with a worm?) Anyway...back to the free dog. Basically, we rescued a worm, that came with a dog. And by the way, I sat down with zero intention to write any of this...but I am at my desk staring at the other dog sitting outside my window...who has a limp. The vet said it is a knee cap off track condition she was most likely born with, and the sooner we operate the better. Wanna guess how much that costs??? All I can say is ...we can save to buy a car that actually drives in reverse, or...the dog can get her knee fixed.

Maybe we fix her knee and ride on her back? Just don't know how she'd be on the highway.

Still no cat. When I called around to the local vets and animal control they were all very pleased to hear that we had the cat fixed before we lost him. And sure, I get it. But seriously? I don't have $300 right now to spend on the free cat... that ran away. I don't have $300 period.

Did I mention I am thinking about getting another cat?

People, I have problems. Pet problems. I am well aware.

My sweet friend...the one who is always leading me to the heart of Jesus by way of our Blessed Mother Mary...she came to my house on her own, just to walk around the yard and pray and call for my kitty. And while she searched and prayed, I listened to the devil. And then I shared with her what he had just made very clear to me:

I am the worst. This is my fault. I have no business bringing home pets. We can't afford a car, college, anything...and we add these pets to our lives that come with such a cost. Why? And clearly, I am not responsible. I have not earned the right to care for a pet because I am a crappy pet owner. I can barely manage my children! Have you seen my 12 year old's finger nails? The kid looks like he is wearing Lee press on nails! Why? Because I can not find the finger nail clipper! So I just don't cut his nails! I can't properly care for humans...why am I adding animals to my life? Every room in the house is a mess, there is pet hair everywhere, we are already maxed out in the stress department, and I can't keep up with anything. I'm embarrassed to tell the vet about the cat...this is the fourth pet we have lost to tragedy! FOUR! Kitten in L.A. hit by a car...dog in Sandy Hook hit by a car...goldfish - our precious little "swimmy" - knocked out of his bowl and suffocated to death on the bedroom floor (that was a fun night) ....and now an innocent kitten ...just gone. Maybe God is trying to tell me that I am a pet destroyer...seriously...I take in these sweet furry lives and then... I kill them.

And all I can say is...praise God for friends who search and pray and recognize when you are being attacked and who then proceed to declare truth over you because clearly, you are a hot mess and demonstrating some serious signs of an immature faith, and are in need of a little truth smackdown. She told me that I bring the pets in out of the love of my heart...that I am doing my best to bring joy into my home...and that it is every bit worth it...that it gives us good memories and creates softer hearts...that I just want my family happy, and I will do whatever I can to brighten their day and lighten their load, even if for just a day, a week, a month, a year...I will bring in the joy somehow and someway, no matter the cost...no matter the sacrifice.

And it is true about life, isn't it? The flip side of joy being sorrow. The flip side of sorrow being joy. They come hand in hand. It is the very reason why I cling to the Gospel, why I desire to know more about this divine man, Jesus....why I intentionally take steps closer to my spiritual Mother, Mary...it is why I can read, "So you are now in anguish. But I will see you again, and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you." (john 16:22) and I can wipe away my tears and stand up strong, and not only strong...but convicted. Certain. And Grateful. Not only grateful for a God who keeps His promises, which by the way, are awesome...but for the friends he puts in my path to help me fight my battles...and the pets he places in my arms...that give me a sliver of joy on earth, providing relief and peace if only for a moment, knowing very well that it doesn't compare to the rejoicing that awaits me. Knowing all too well that the joy I crave is one not of this earth.

We are all searching to add more joy to our lives, aren't we?

And this morning, as the sun rose and my second cup of coffee got cold, I realized the gift of this missing kitty... that on this early Friday morning, the grief over the cat that came with a cost, lead me to the real source of joy...the Gospel...and that is the joy that the cost has already been paid for. That is the joy that no one can ever take away from me. That is the joy that is free.