Couples therapy, old wine skins, and the longest run on sentence you will ever encounter in a blog p

My therapist thinks I am crazy.

But I guess if anyone is going to think you are crazy, might as well be your therapist.

My husband and I go to therapy together. Basically, we banter back and forth in our comical way for a few minutes before getting to the point because that is what we do. Not sure if our therapist enjoys this or not...I think he does...or he sits there thinking, "this sad couple makes jokes about everything...such denial...." Oh well. We are who we are and for better or worse we both see the value in humor and the healing effects of laughter in the most dire situations. This will never change. And I am good with that.

Plus, our comedic timing is spot on. So there is that.

But some things need to change.

Right?

That is why we both decided to talk to someone.

We wanted things to change.

We wanted to do life together better.

And secretly, we probably just wanted the other person to shut up for a few minutes so we could say what we wanted to say without interruption.

I say this lovingly.

We had couples therapy yesterday.

I asked the therapist before leaving our session, "Are we the craziest people you see?"

He said, "no".

"Because," I continued crazily, "why is communication so complicated? Does every married couple struggle with communicating???? What's wrong with everyone? Why can't we just talk?"

He said, "yes. It is very hard."

And then he added, "plus, you are both under tremendous stress, which makes it very difficult."

I struggle sometimes with therapy.

Because at my core?

At my core I think, "If we all just lived Christ like, we would have no problems." Right?

If I placed my husband's needs before my own, and he placed mine before his, and we both spoke out of kindness and love as we ought to do...there would be no communication problem!

But instead...we are complicated sinners and we each carry our own past baggage and we are both now carrying the same baggage only we respond to it differently and we both have needs no matter how stupid they may be to the other person they are real and valid....and you have all of this stuff plus fantasy football and my inability to water the plants and then the dog throws up or a kid is rude and suddenly all communication goes out the window and please God help married couples to do better under stress because honestly? I just ordered this crazy psycho-therapy book on line in hopes of better understanding this whole communication process and it feels really exhausting and tedious to a creative who loves words and crafting them into run on sentences that make zero sense but none the less fuel her, and suddenly simply talking to your spouse about your day is something that requires a pie chart and a co-pay and a few formulas to calculate and understand and all I see and hear..... is Jesus.

Jesus saying, "Follow me" which means.....freaking follow HIM...do what HE commands us to do...response like HE would respond...and change your ways because guess what? If we want to follow Christ...and we do...(even if you say you don't you really actually do you just have yet to accept that truth in your heart, but anyway), to follow Christ we must change.

You can not stay the same and follow Him.

Don't even try.

My husband and I desperately want to be Christ followers.

This, we truly desire.

We wake up before the sun rises each and every day and set out to be the best version of ourselves.

We often fail before our second cup of coffee.

My husband, who has been reading Story Of A Soul ,said this morning that like Saint Therese, he wants to be "that little bird", and like a good Catholic wife, I laughed at him.

"Little bird? You are more like a velociraptor."

Good grief Lord, have mercy on me.

It is hard.

It is hard when you are both in the kitchen at the same time and both need to prepare food and get out the door at the same time...why?

Because, we my friends, are selfish sinners.

We are thinking about ourselves and our needs and our own day of events ahead.

We so often follow our own selfish desires, not Jesus.

And that is the truth.

I don't like it.

I am trying to change it.

But it is the truth.

Transformation.

It is tough work.

It is necessary work.

It is super hard and severing your arm with your own teeth might be more desirable depending on your time of the month.

But people.

Good grief.

All this live your best life mumbo jumbo?

What does that even mean to you?

Because to me?

To me it means...being a holy wife. Being a holy mother. Being holy, period...and I did not say period because I just referenced your time of the month. But now it is all I can think about. So let's move on, shall we...

It's the wine skins, people.

Put the new wine in new wine skins.

Don't put the new in the old.

Wait, you already drank all the wine?

And you can't find the wine skins because you are too drunk?

Isn't that just like you.

But seriously.

Transformation hurts because it means getting up from where ever you are and following Christ to somewhere that is no doubt going to look awful and hard...and we are all about comfort. No one loves comfort more than me. I actually put my pajamas away in the morning and say to them out loud, "I can not wait to put you back on tonight." True story. I speak more lovingly to my pajamas than I do to my husband. Ponder that.

Are you in therapy? Are you afraid of therapy?

I suppose a benefit to living in Newtown CT is EVERYONE here is in therapy.

Even the dogs.

Do you think that is a joke?

Because it is not.

My dogs have CBT therapy every week and are also in a support group for animals - they have grown so much from this.

Ok. That part was a joke.

Back to the point...

Couples therapy, like faith, is uncomfortable.

Because it requires getting up and moving.

It commands you to look at the old, and acknowledge that you can live better.....that you can throw out the old and you can put on the new.

It forces you to stop talking so that someone else can. (THIS. IS . HARD.)

And it commands you to listen.

If it were not for our humor, I do not know how my husband and I could stay married.

And if it were not for couples therapy, I do not know how we would navigate our present waters.

And if it were not for our faith, I am certain, we would both be dead.

Or, desperately trying to pour new wine into old wine skins...wondering why it tastes spoiled, crying because the skins do not hold.