A letter to the hurting mom with all those expectations

Dear Mom of that kid that has you up all night so worried and not only worried, but if you were to be honest, angry and jealous too because every other mom friend you have seems to have a talented, successful, well adjusted kid, and well, let's be honest...that was your plan for your kid too,

I have been there.

And I want you to know that as the world around you celebrates graduations and achievements and awards and acceptances and jobs and scholarships and that picture perfect family vacation, and you woke up wishing that you could close your eyes back shut and wake up to every bit of what is your current life gone....this doesn't last. It actually does get better. And by better, I do not mean it will go your way. And sometimes? Sometimes that IS better.

If things went my way back then, I would not know Jesus today.

I also wanted to be a can of tuna when I was a kid, so there's that.

In today's Gospel, Jesus makes it clear to Peter that he will be "led to where he does not want to go."

I hear ya Jesus. Loud and clear.

And chances are, you too have been led, are being led, or one day will find yourself led to the very spot you begged the Lord to never take you. And is it just me, or are these places we dread not even the places WE need to go, but rather...our children are called to? Our loved ones? That special someone that you swear you would give up your own life, if only God would show up and fix it all.

I mean, good grief God, where are you? Schneider on One Day At A Time was more reliable!

If today, this is you, can I share something I have learned this year?

Get out of your loved ones way.

Because if you keep stepping in front of them, how will they see God?

If you keep trying to control them, how will they learn to surrender?

If you keep getting into the ocean with them, how will they learn to swim?

Get out of the water and let your kid ride the waves.

And get off of Facebook.

You don't need to see another friend's highlight reel.

Not now, anyway.

If you are in a place that is too deep and dark to be able to rejoice with and for others, give yourself some grace, and stop looking at others.

Just look at Jesus.

Listen to the words He speaks when Peter asks what the deal is with his friend John..."...what does it matter to you? You are to follow me."

Could you imagine if the Apostles had social media?

I know this is hard. I have asked the same question. And I would like to save you from heaping on a whole lot of "fruitless frustration and needless suffering onto your already over burdened soul." (John Bartunek, The Better Part) Stop following your neighbors path. And stop asking the Lord what the heck happened to the path you expected to be on.

And that? That right there is the problem.

Our paths are paved with our own expectations, and sometimes? Sometimes it is necessary that God drives in and rips it all up. Yes, it makes a mess. Yes, it is ugly. Yes, it hurts, is uncomfortable, a little embarrassing, and it forces us to find a new way. But that new way is God's way. And as uncomfortable as it may be, if you look at the cross and recall the resurrection, it is hard to deny that probably...and by probably you know I mean definitely...God's way is the better way.

Father Peter Cameron once preached, "You can't create desire in another person."

And at my support group I was warned, "Our love can't fix our loved one. If it could, none of us would be here."

This does not mean we stop loving. In fact, when it comes to other people, truly the only thing we can do is love them.

But make no mistake, even our love may not change them.

But God's love?

That can.

Our children who veer off of the path we paved with our dreams and all sorts of cushions and comforts because God forbid they ever hurt...they do not need more awards. They do not need a scholarship. They do not need a perfect report card, or the starring role in the play, or that spot on the team, or that graduation diploma. THEY NEED GOD. Relationship with Jesus. And they need humility. They need to see how small they are and how big their Creator is, and they need to be led into places and spaces we wish we could remove and destroy. They need to grasp the concept of ETERNITY and how that is actually for, like, a really super long time. Longer than this, right now.

If I had to name and count the many hard places God led me in just 12 months time, we would be here a while. And if I had the option to change a single step today, I would not dare. I love the path the Lord has paved. I see the fruits. I trust Him more than ever. And yes, I am well aware that this feeling can be ripped up and torn down as quickly as my crappy driveway. And so I pray for the grace to remember how I feel now when the spiritual drought comes. And I thank God for this season of tangible hope and all consuming fire within - not so much for myself, but for you - mom who is hurting...mother of sorrows - sweet friend who expected different.

Final thought. Different does not mean any less beautiful. This trial, this crisis, this current chaos...it will not be wasted. It is a necessary piece of your puzzle. Even if you find that impossible to believe, repeat it to yourself anyway. I have the authority to say this because I am witness to it.

You know, I keep finding these perfectly cracked open blue egg shells on my front steps. The mama bird in the tree up above has done a good job. Her babes have hatched, and soon, will fly away. And yours will too. I know right now that seems highly unlikely. I know that right now your baby bird is stuck in the nest with broken wings and you are terrified of their falling. And I know that if you could, you would tear off your own wings and secure them on your most precious ones back.

But as Psalm 90:4 reminds us, we are not to trust in our own wings, are we?

Rather, we are instructed to hide ourselves in His.

Such a beautiful image I can hardly stand it.

I firmly believe that it is when we are at our lowest and darkest that God is stirring and creating and forming the most brilliant and beautiful plan ever. Stop trying to pave your own road. God's got a better route. Stop swimming on top of your loved ones, you'll only help them to drown. And throw away your expectations because next to God's, they are just broken shells on your doorstep. His plan is the winged bird, and only He teaches how to fly.

I am praying for you. And that might sound like not enough. You might be convinced you need more than that. And that is ok. Because I believe in the power of prayer...and there are not enough hours left in my life to thank the many, whose prayers alone, have saved what matters most to me.

I mean, sure...bringing me a latte never hurt. I won't deny that.

But the prayers truly are all that we need.

With love from a mother who totally gets it, hated most of it, and loves Jesus for every bit of it,

Laura