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when your purpose is put on pause...

For too many years I struggled to find my purpose; cleaning toilets, and packing park picnics, and washing a linoleum floor that refused to get clean...I would scrub, and wash, and play, and entertain littles, all the while replaying that same nagging question, "Is this all that there is?"

Certainly, Lord, there is more.

Come on now Jesus, this can't be it.

And then, ever so slowly, life changed and purpose emerged; a blog was reborn, a ministry appeared, daily Mass became a thing, a book was written, a house was purchased, and a speaking career bloomed....ahhh....God is so good!

Then God pulled the plug.

Temporarily, of course. But even so. The routines we jump out of bed and fall into mindlessly, with zero effort, have been taken from us. Life has been turned upside down. All that purpose has been put on pause. And the thing that kills us all is the not knowing for how long. Will we all rise in three days, shake the dust, and return to our mindless routines? Or will we wander in the desert for 40 years, complaining and lamenting and blaming God for dragging us out of our perfect lives and leaving us to die in the empty toilet paper aisle? Which is it Lord? Because if I could just pencil the end date in my planner, I'll be able to deal with this crisis so much better. It's all about the mindset, after all, right?

I have spent this past week thinking about purpose, and thinking about mind set, and then I woke up and read the book of Hosea (THAT response coming soon...) and is it just me, or do we truly not have to read any further than the command "RETURN"......?......

and ironically, returning is exactly what I have done.

Scrubbing, washing, playing, and entertaining not-so-littles anymore....

staying at home...tending to the domestic needs of this house and family...

walking the dogs, sitting down for afternoon prayer...

I suppose one can ask, as we wait for the green light to get back to our purpose..."Is this all that there is?" I suppose we can plod through these days of quiet simply waiting for the moment we can get back to the good life.

But was it? Good, I mean.

Because as we all sat around the dinner table last night, eating my youngest's home economics "homework assignment"; this family, that just weeks ago, was apart, moving in opposite directions, and had no time to eat sitting, let alone to eat at the same time, had gathered together and was sharing a meal. We had returned to family. And I could taste His grace.

There is no denying the good that the Lord has already pulled out of this mess. I promise, no matter how bleak things are and feel...if you look for the good, you will find it. If you return to the Lord, He will show you. I wish it didn't take sickness and dying and forced isolation for me to realize my purpose, but it did. And if nothing else comes of this, this is enough. What was once an occasion to ask, "Is this all that there is?" is now an opportunity to thank the Lord for all that I have.

I see you, Jesus...

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