washing virtual feet and making spiritual communions. Good grief, when will this end?

This forced isolation feels like a bad break up; sitting still in the hurt, wondering when the pain will end, fearing it never will. Most of us were good with two weeks. Can I give up my life for two weeks? Sure. Can I give up my life for three weeks? Um...starting to drift into a dark place, here. And how about August??? Can you be still and give up your life until August?

Not sure about you, but it helps me to not look too far ahead.

It helps me to stop asking WHY and HOW LONG?

Thank you Jesus for the intense suffering you have allowed in my life...for training me to respond by taking my eyes off of the devastation and loss, and instead, looking for the lessons and asking HOW?

And what about all those expectations? Good grief...those will kill you if you allow them to.

So, now what? It is Holy Thursday, unquestionably the best Mass of the year, and here we are...washing virtual feet and making spiritual communions. Not at all what we expected.

And yet, none of this surprises God.

Not. One. Bit.

And so I am going to choose to not be surprised, either.

I am going to choose to ask HOW not WHY.

I am going to choose to ACCEPT Holy Week and Easter as is, and every other good thing that looks nothing like my plans.

This morning in prayer I came up with a list of questions. Or more likely, God came up with them...a bad habit of mine, taking credit for the good things God suggests. They are questions that are important, I think. And perhaps, I would have never considered them if I were at the mall today looking for a new Easter dress, or cleaning the house for guests, or spending stupid money at HomeGoods on all things bunnies and chicks. I will share them here, in case you find yourself reflecting more on the WHY rather than the HOW these next few days. I pray they help you to be still when all you want to do is move; that they will help you accept instead of resist.

Have I made the love of the Heart of Jesus visible to those I meet?

Am I grateful for God's forgiveness?

What wounds do I bear as a result of my own folly?

What wounds have I inflicted on others?

How shall I make a return to the Lord for all the good he has done for me? (psalm 116)

Do I realize what Jesus has done for me?

Do I forgive others as I want to be forgiven?

What are the things that I do, that I wish I did not do?

Have I washed someone's feet today?

Do I spread fear or light?

How can I lighten the weight of your cross, Jesus?

Do I feel like I have suffered enough this Lent?