how to stop the mindless scrolling

But is it mindless?

In my morning prayer I reflected on the time I wasted the previous night; that dreaded mindless scrolling. But the Holy Spirit pointed something else out to me. Maybe it is not all that mindless, or better said, perhaps it is not as "unconscious" as it appears.

I recognized that when I fall prey to the mindless scrolling, spending more than ten minutes watching videos of how to make animals out of dumpling dough, there actually is a motive behind this crazy waste of time I invite into my life. And contrary to what I once believed, it is not completely about avoidance. It is not even about numbing. It is quite the opposite. I am in desperate need of an emotional response. A release. A good cry, or maybe even a deep belly laugh. Something. Anything other than the bottomless pit of emptiness I feel like I am experiencing.

I will explain.

I gave God everything in June. I got out of His way. I surrendered my life. I agreed to pick up my cross, embrace it, love it, and carry it without hesitation or bargaining along the way. But this doesn't mean I surrendered being a human with natural feelings that tend towards still wanting to step in and control. And when this temptation comes over me like a tidal wave, I feel a restlessness that I have no idea where to put. And so I start scrolling...looking for things that will stir up emotion. I literally seek out the images that pull me into comparison; that make me feel lonely, less-than, not included, and like a super failure. And this half works.

Does it get me feeling again? You bet! But that is where it leaves me. Sad. Depressed. Hopeless. Angry. It's quite often the good cry, but without its good purpose. It's the release, yet I am still left hanging.

Does this make any sense to you? Do you do this? Or am I just crazy? I am okay with it being crazy because I want to be a Saint and I am convinced that they were all a little bit crazy. Maybe even a lot crazy.

Anyway, I am all for the feeling, the crying, and the yelling, so long as it lands me in the arms of Jesus and not looking at my clock thinking, "I can't believe I just spent the last 30 minutes looking at a total strangers vacation pictures." And so I made a plan for myself. I literally wrote it down. I have put up guards for my soul and hedges around my heart. I have prayed and the good Lord has shown me a better way to feel and release and wind up snuggled up close to Him and comforted, not face down in the dark pit of despair.

Here is my shortlist of how to stop the mindless scroll. Maybe it will inspire you to start your own.

1) PRAY. As soon as the restlessness sets in, I go to prayer. Not a full rosary or Novena- I am certain to quit that before I even begin. My brain needs short and sweet in these ADHD moments. I keep it simple. I pray: Jesus, I need You right now at this very moment. Show me what I am truly seeking. What I am truly longing for. Allow me to feel whatever it is that the enemy wants me to scroll away, avoid, and numb. Help me to unlock what is dying to come out, and to bring it to You. Keep my phone far away from me and hide my hands from the keyboard. Protect me in this moment, which is an opportunity to find You.

2) REMEMBER. There is an enemy that wants me to waste my time. He does not want me to do good work. He does not want me to run to Jesus. He wants to keep me looking at things that bring me down and leave me there. Walking away from the scrolling is a giant kick in the enemy's teeth and I am all for the kicking.

3) ENGAGE THE BODY, MIND, AND SOUL. Sometimes the only way that I can avoid the scrolling temptation is by physically moving. And if I combine movement with lifting my heart to the Lord, even better. I can go for a rosary walk around my house, do the dishes while listening to a Catholic podcast, I can call a faith friend while I do simple chores around the house, I can fold the laundry while praying over the piles of clothes, I can put on a fresh pot of coffee, wipe the countertop, get a healthy snack and sit with one of the fourteen half-read books on my nightstand. I can wash my face, brush my teeth, put on a happy-smelling essential oil while thanking God for everything and anything that comes to my mind.

4) KEEP A LIST. I started filling up a journal with all of the things I say I would like to do but never make the time for, such as:

-organize a memory box for each of my children that I will fill with special pictures, letters to them, their baby clothes, baptismal candle, etc.

-learn the Our Father, Hail Mary and Glory Be in Latin

-frame all. the. pictures.

-finish reading all. the. books.

-plant a few plants

-exercise

-stop by the church and light a candle

-write a letter and actually mail it

-learn macrame

-bring someone a meal, flowers, coffee

-start a "Sacrament wall"; frame photos of my family making their Sacraments.

When the temptation to scroll hits, I can pull out this list and choose a better way to spend my time.

If you struggle with the mindless scroll, I encourage you to set up your own battle plan. Because it is a war, my friend. There is an enemy behind every temptation, and I am certain that God has more productive ways for you to spend the one glorious life He has given to you.

Your life is meant to be lived in, not scrolled by. So start living.